I am 28 years old and in my short life I have never dated a girl. I tried, but I always got rejected. I went this way and that way, but alas. They say they like funny? Sure, but not beyond the Friendzone, please. Do they like macho? I can do that too, but then I’m already “not suitable for the creation of a family. Thinking about family, and also yesterday at the club with two guys in the car… hmmm… GPS studied. You like smart guys? So I’m a PhD candidate. But it’s not really working out either.
As you can see from the above, I’m a very single guy (was, at least). In order to get rid of the abominable feeling of loneliness, I went to change the character, get a degree and education, I have a good (stable) job, etc. I play sports – slim, tall, but wearing glasses (sorry). Nothing helped – I was always “blown off”.
As a child there was bullying by girls and young women – and more severe than from guys. I had the feeling that I would be better off with guys. I was already thinking about this when I was graduating from high school. But it seemed to me at the time that it was already quite strange. Would I, from such a conservative family in such a conservative country (Belarus), really do that?
Time passed, everyone was already paired up, and I was alone. Oh yeah – I also had really bad acne (bombed all over my face). Women were very fond of discussing “that scary guy”. Though objectively speaking, I’m not ugly – in fact, I’m objectively more handsome now than most of the “fairer sex” I see at work and on the street. But acne really ruins your self-esteem. I still remember sleepless nights in tears and in terror before the day came – I had to go to university like that there.
Then I just started “picking up” girls for money. God, how they treated me badly – no kisses, all “in a rubber band”, although I can see that I am healthy, I earn, education and have a certificate.
Then I just started paying attention to the signals given to me by gays (previously I ignored them). Young, ispovedi.com handsome guys – shooting their eyes in my direction like no girl had ever looked in my direction. I liked that. Then I went to a dating site and checked “looking for a man” and “orientation – gay.” That’s when everything changed.
I learned what real feelings in a relationship are – the true affection of one person for another. Every touch, every kiss, everything mattered and was real, sincere. Never once had I received a declaration of love-not really once! And then it kicked in. Life began – love, jealousy, resentment, and reconciliation in bed.
I know I risked getting HIV, I know I would lose everything if they found out I was gay and dated guys, but a life of loneliness and disappointment felt like a guillotine to me. You can’t live like that. Also, the bullying by women never ended – it just took a different form (“latent”, ahah). They get more and more rights, unsupported by responsibilities, and they get more and more power and the ability to decide “who lives and who ispovedi.com disappears.” If I’m not gay, I let them determine my worth in life – and they’ve already given me a sentence. A sentence I don’t agree with. Besides, I’m in real love right now, thank you very much!
My short conclusion is that I am very happy that I am not hetero. However, the resentment against women is there and I can’t put it away anywhere. Plus, women continue the latent “bullying”. I feel sorry for the men who tie their lives to them because they “have to.” We have to have a family, we have to have children, we have to, we have to… Only we forget about the fact that we would like to be happy.
I’m sorry that in my country homosexuality is stigmatized and anyone found guilty will be fired from their job. I pity that women are becoming more and more violent – I don’t trust any of them anymore. I pity the “simpatico” ideology being imposed on us by the state.
I dream of saying openly, “I’m gay. I am not interested in women. I don’t love them and never will” and just start living a normal life with my boyfriend.
