My husband and I have been together for five years, we have a child, there is romance, humor, understanding, we travel together, we support each other in everything, we have experienced a lot of serious problems together. And now I thought that we started to live a dream life – there is more or less stable income, the child has grown up, he went to kindergarten, there is no more friction, our life has become normal.
We have free access to each other’s phones and social networks. The other day I needed to send something from his Whatsapp, and something made me go to the “archive” and there were correspondence with erotic massage parlors. He asked for their general information – prices, addresses. With one even agreed to come up, but just before the session canceled, said he felt bad.
I went straight to him, he didn’t deny it, he said yes, it was his fault. I didn’t go there because my conscience began to gnaw. He apologized and took me and my daughter to a restaurant.
I guess the situation is not so critical that I should file for divorce, especially since he suits me just fine in everything else. And as a husband, and as a father. But still I do not feel good about myself.
Of course, trust is damaged, but I just can’t explain it to myself. We have been through so much together, I believe in his love, he sought me out for a very long time. And that’s why the idea of going out? Why can not live a peaceful family life? Especially in terms of intimacy I do not offend him.
He is a very good man, kind, older than me by 10 years. I thought the man had had enough of it, and when he asked for my hand, he knew what he was getting into. But now I sit here and think all the time – why didn’t he delete the messages? Maybe there’s something he deleted. What if he really felt bad and cancelled because of that, and not because he changed his mind? I am very good at winding myself up.
Now what do I do with a marriage if trust is damaged, how do I make sure it doesn’t happen again? And most of all, is it somehow my fault?
Lots of questions, I can certainly talk to him again, but will I hear the truth or just what I need for reassurance is another big question. So I want stability.
I take care of myself, I returned to form immediately after pregnancy, I work, I develop, I help him with his business, I do not zuzhu, my house is always in order.
Sometimes I wonder if I will spend all my youth on him and have another baby, and then I will find out something and regret that I did not respond to the call. I am afraid that if he allowed this thought to happen once, it will happen again.
How do I go on with my life? Let the situation go completely, as if nothing had happened? Or monitor and follow social media? Or pretend to have grown cold to him? Let him be jealous.
I would be grateful for any advice.
