I can’t seem to cope with an eating disorder (ED) that I had a little over a year ago. It all started when I decided to lose weight. It was easy for me, I restricted myself in some products, exercised at home, and everything worked – I lost weight. But when the weight became desirable, I realized that I wanted even less. And one day, when I went to bed, I realized that it hurt to lie on my side, it was all because of the bones, that is, I lost so much weight that it hurt me to lie down.
When I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that that was it, I couldn’t do it anymore. And that’s when my problems started. I began to be afraid of getting fat, I began to watch the caloric content of food too much, I could not take a product without looking at its caloric content. Then I started breaking down, overeating and throwing up. It went on for a year, but it’s a little better now, I think. I can go weeks without a breakdown, but there are times when it’s just unbearable. And again that feeling, and the thought in my head, “now we’re going to eat everything we want, and then call for vomiting and it’ll be like nothing ever happened.
No one knows about my problem, because it’s hard to understand that I have such a problem. I just know that no one will understand me, that’s for sure, and I’m just embarrassed to tell anyone about it. Mostly people think, what’s the big deal, just stop and that’s it, and I used to think it was all nonsense.
I don’t know how I can get out of this situation. I want to handle it on my own without the help of specialists, but I don’t know how.
