I divorced my husband six months ago. I loved him very much and tried to save our marriage, engaged a psychologist (with his consent), tried to find some common ground. But my spouse did not meet me halfway. We fought and quarreled for a year until I myself threw him out of the house. I was too tired of the constant squabbling and lack of help and love.
He went completely into work and even when I literally begged him not to stay at work, at least while I was very sick, he still left. It was his choice. There was no urgent, pressing work, but he left.
There were many other things, too. We drifted apart, became complete strangers. Eventually, one day I realized I didn’t love him anymore, and we filed for divorce. Even though we went through a lot of hardships and troubles together, his father’s death, an accident, losing our home, nothing saved our marriage.
After a while I exhaled and moved on with my life. I rented an apartment, worked a lowly job. Everything was enough for me and I even managed to be happy.
I started a relationship with a man of the same age. He is kind, attentive and caring. A very nice guy, but unfortunately, with no education, no goals in life. He has a low-paying job, lives with his parents. I didn’t want to do anything serious with him, I didn’t plan it, though I fell in love with him very much.
And then, the other day, I found out that I was pregnant. The news just killed me. I’m 30 now, I have no children of my own. Even though I wanted to with my husband, it didn’t work out. And then… my boyfriend doesn’t have a job or a place to live, and I don’t have one. We don’t know each other that well, and I don’t want to live with anyone else. An abortion? The doctors said that, most likely, after that I will not be able to have more children. And we did use protection, how come?
I’m terrified and in fear of my future. What will we be able to give this baby? We can barely make ends meet ourselves. And I’m not even sure I won’t be left all alone with a baby in my arms. It was my fondest dream, but do I have to say goodbye to it forever?
