For several years now I have been living with my friend in a two-room apartment. We are both from another part of the country, we studied in the city where we live now. We live together, because neither of us has a private life, but it’s convenient to share expenses.
I am 28 and he is 27. He is a virgin, I have a relationship always, but not one that leads to a family. I used to get a decent job, earnings were small at first, but then got bigger. My friend also made little at first, then changed jobs, but it didn’t increase much in terms of salary amount. And now he has changed for the third time, and very well, at once almost twice as much as me began to receive. Plus he has the prospect of a salary increase right away.
I give him these details because he is always competing with me. And he does not hesitate to envy me when I have something that he thinks is good, and he does not. A trivial example to illustrate: the day I got my license, I passed my driving test with the first time, came home satisfied, and what? I saw a sour face, and the evening honest conversation that he was very jealous of me, and that he had already decided to also enroll in a driving school (this was even before getting a new profitable job, but not long ago, about a month). I responded by picking a fight, because it spoiled my mood that day.
When he got his job, I will not hide it, I was jealous too – there is a reason. My friend considers himself intelligent in his field (and judging by his colleagues, he really is smarter), while he used to often ask me for help even on his job, learned a lot only from me, plus is able to ask silly questions still. Example (and we work in the IT field): a couple of days ago, with a clever look, he said that the “firewall” on his computer some traffic does not pass. I usually joke about that, but good lord, how could he do that!
I’m not the only one who notices his silly phrases or questions like this, he generally behaves like this all the time. On the other hand, there is a contradiction, he really ispovedi.com gets paid well. The answer, really, is simple – he has experience in this field (web analytics), and there are not enough specialists. He took the only such position at his company. And, strangely enough, got the third time in a team where the guys are almost all younger than him, and he is more experienced against them, so it seems smarter.
It’s different for me: I’ve been at the same job for almost 6 years, my colleagues are older than me, and they are incredibly smart guys. And the issue of work is acute for me, because I have wanted to change it and try myself in another field for a long time, but I will have to go for a salary even less, by 2 times, and it depresses me and does not give me to make up my mind.
But originally I started all this writing, because this friend of mine is unbearably bored with me, just drove my brain out, just drank all the good out of me. Constant envy, and then bragging. But even more by the fact that he does not, and never was a personal life. Always waiting for me after work, to pour something on me ispovedi.com (unfortunately, this is his last job completely removed, and the team in this city, he has no). Always prying into my personal life. Always peeping into the laptop and phone screen, I can never sit in the kitchen because of this, and in his room there is no table, is always eavesdropping on phone conversations, and then does not hesitate to even ask questions about overheard or seen (and when I directly accuse him of this, he begins to make up excuses or deny).
He has a very, very decent salary, he can at any time to go to the capital, they have an office there, and rent a place to live, communicate with colleagues, try to find a girlfriend (in this city, even in Tinder he does not succeed). And when I tell him about it, he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to lose what he has. And the only thing he has is me! And my friends, because I introduced him to them, he could not make his own. As I told my friend, he just became a problem in my life.
That year in the fall I almost had a nervous breakdown on the basis of our cohabitation (at that time he was still constantly expecting that I have to go somewhere with him once a week, until I did not arrange a scandal, why should I). But I decided to save some more money and live together. Yes, it will be expensive, yes, I need the money for other things altogether. But I just feel like I have a monster inside me, I’m tired of pouring these terrible emotions on my loved ones. And even more so feeling it all. Even now. I’ve been told many times to move out, and I’m procrastinating. I feel like the moment has arrived. What do you think?
I think my moral and mental health is more valuable than the fact that I will be paying twice as much in rent.
Sorry for the long confession, I just needed to speak out (although the effect, alas, it had no effect, I have accumulated evil, a lot of negativity and almost hatred. Although in normal times, after breaks or travel, we communicate well.
