My husband and I met on a visit, I was 21 years old, he was 25. I was active, didn’t sit still. My husband courted me with unprecedented energy, surrounded me with a cocoon of his attention that no one else could come close to me. Six months later we were married. My first mistake was not taking my husband’s surname. He was offended, but didn’t show it. We had no obvious conflicts, but I wanted terribly to lead, control money, household, husband, finally. The freedom after my parents’ “oppression.” – I was married and I could do anything!
At first my husband still guided me, but he was more amused by my activity and assertiveness. I was very impatient, did not reckon with his desires (not that arranged the scandal, though it happened, I persuaded him, seduced him, I pushed his logic, and he often yielded) no matter what the child has not begging, if only not to cry! Then the baby was born. My husband was happy, he helped me in every way he could, fulfilled my every whim, and gave me presents. And I began to feel like a commander.
Then we were renovating, and I pulled him away from the shopping altogether, telling him that he had bad taste, and that he shouldn’t interfere with my dreams. I ran around like a madman, commanded the builders, and hardly involved my husband. Of course, I didn’t finish something, I didn’t see it through, I was cheated out of money, but my husband praised me and I was carried away again. We bought an oval table for the kitchen, and I immediately sat at the head of the table! My husband politely asked me if I had chosen the right seat, to which he replied, “it’s comfortable for me, because I’m in charge of the house.”
I started not liking his gifts, I reprimanded him for not listening to what I wanted, for being inattentive, and he stopped giving me even flowers. Now I have to buy them myself. When I went to work, after a while I was promoted, and I went to pieces. My husband received the task, and I demanded their implementation, scolding, brains out, in general, did not behave intelligently, to put it mildly.
How it ended. My husband ceded leadership in the family at all. And removed, was engaged ispovedi.com sometimes with children in their interests and their interests, however, if I warned him in advance, then he did something, but very little, mostly said that I am the head of the family and should be able to solve everything by myself. It became impossible to consult with him, he listened attentively, and then always answered: “Do as you want.
Over time I became responsible for everything in the family – for children, finances, repairs, moving, rest, just everything. And my husband just watched from the sidelines and apparently waited for me to come to my senses. But I liked being in charge of everything and everything, that I did not think anything. I shrugged off his attempts to talk and never got around to it. And there came a time when the burden was so heavy that I could no longer decide everything alone. And then it occurred to me that it would be good to involve my husband. But his reaction was unexpected for me. He didn’t want to decide anything, to help, to organize, saying: “since you wanted to steer, steer.”
No, we are not divorced (although if I were him, I would have long ago left), but everything in the house, children, relatives on all sides on me, all the problems I try to solve. I do not have enough energy, knowledge, stamina and connections. He sends me to solve his problems and issues, which the children address to him – I am the head, I have to solve them myself. And only after I figuratively beg him to help, he shifts the matter from the dead point, and then himself again. It’s come to the point that I was ready to give up completely and the budget, and stay home with the kids, I realized so clearly that I just want to be with her husband, a quiet and gentle keeper of the hearth, bake pancakes, pies, wait for her husband, and so on.
Told him how wrong I was, apologized that I wanted to go back under the wing, did not want independence, was full to death. But so far nothing has changed. I want to give him a nudge. So I think, maybe, as a first step – to go change the name?
I wonder what the opinion of forum members such an act can make an impression or not?
